EBA - Understanding Emotional Blackmail
A Deep Dive (no fuss) into Psychological Manipulation
Did you know that emotional blackmail is a form of abuse?
What is Emotional Blackmail?
Emotional blackmail is essentially manipulation. It involves using psychological tactics to control another person’s behaviour by instilling fear, obligation, and guilt—collectively referred to as "FOG" by professionals in the field. Shame can also be a powerful tool in this manipulative process.
Blackmailers may employ threats, bribery, physical intimidation, or control over financial resources to achieve their aims. This form of abuse is widespread, manifesting in workplaces, schools, and homes alike.
Recognizing Emotional Blackmail
Emotional blackmail can be both passive and aggressive. Look for patterns in behaviour such as tantrums, pouting, or withdrawal of affection. Statements like:
"If you loved me, you would..."
"I did this because of you..."
"You make me feel..."
"It's your fault I reacted this way..."
can be indicators of emotional manipulation.
Why Do People Engage in Emotional Blackmail?
Often, those who engage in emotional blackmail have experienced it themselves and have learned to use it as a tool. Their actions are typically driven by:
Fear of abandonment
Fear of deprivation
Fear of emotional or physical harm
A history of being emotionally blackmailed
Desperation
A need for control
How to Handle Emotional Blackmail
To combat emotional blackmail, consider these strategies:
Pause Before Reacting: Take time to process your emotions and avoid immediate reactions.
Identify Patterns: Notice recurring demands and manipulative behaviours.
Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate what behaviour is unacceptable and stick to it.
Self-Awareness: Understand your emotional triggers and how they influence your responses.
Self-Esteem: Work on building your self-worth to resist manipulative tactics.
Seek Support: If necessary, consult a therapist or counsellor for guidance.
Self-Esteem and Emotional Manipulation
In relationships where one party blackmails another, both individuals often grapple with self-esteem issues. The blackmailer’s apparent confidence may mask underlying insecurities, while the victim’s lack of confidence can make them more susceptible to manipulation.
Warning Signs
Emotional blackmail can escalate to physical violence or property damage, especially in intimate relationships. Frustration, substance abuse, and a sense of urgency can exacerbate this escalation.
Intervention by Family and Friends
Well-meaning interventions by others can sometimes worsen the situation, especially if they share similar traits or ideas as those involved. Understanding the dynamics of emotional blackmail can prevent further escalation and promote effective support.
No Demographic Quarantines
Emotional blackmail transcends gender, income level, race, and socio-economic status. It affects people across all demographics and requires awareness and intervention to address effectively.
This article is a revised version of a piece originally published on DianneMead.com, Dianne’s Wordpress.com Websites on January 23, 2012, and the EBA Education sites. The updated content reflects new insights and information to provide a clearer understanding of emotional blackmail and its impact.
To Your Emotional Empowerment and Growth
-Dianne
More about the book
This post touches on themes I’ll be exploring further in the upcoming revised edition of Permission to Live. At its core, my book Permission to Live is about empowering ourselves to break free from limitations, embrace our worth, and boldly pursue the lives we deserve. I delve deeper into Emotional Behavioural Awareness (EBA) and share tools for self-worth, resilience, and overcoming self-limiting beliefs.
After offering an early version, I’ve returned to this work with fresh insights, depth, and practical guidance to create an expanded edition that fully embodies this message. The revised Permission to Live book is coming soon, with new chapters and tools to help you step into your power.
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Each blog entry here serves as a preview, with more comprehensive insights and practical exercises coming soon.
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